– Candidates repeatedly got lost in Maria Bartiromo’s eyes
– You know–the media. Am I right? Huh? Who’s with me?
– Unfair questions pertaining to business, economy, jobs, taxes, trade, Wall Street, median wages, oil prices, retail sales, Social Security
– Distracted by Cindy Brady being distracted by red light
– Didn’t realize they would be talking specifically about the American economy
– Cookies and milk promised, no cookies and milk provided
– Podiums built by biased, liberal bastard carpenters at half an inch below stipulated height specifications, causing vertigo, headaches, nose bleeds, rambling and incoherent answers
– Unfair questions containing words with vowels in them
– Ben Carson deliberately given less air time after unsuccessful attempt to stab Wall Street Journal editor-in-chief Gerard Baker
– No substantive discussions about Kirk vs. Picard
– During commercial/bathroom breaks, toilet paper in stalls was folded incorrectly in “under” fashion
– Random cutaways from Rand Paul to grasscloth wallpaper
– Weren’t aware that the presence of television cameras meant the debate was actually going to be televised
– Candidates still haunted by traumatic flashbacks from previous debates
– Unseen by viewing audience, Neil Cavuto kept threatening to drown a basket of kittens
– Opportunity to bet all money on the “Daily Double” never occurred
– Did we mention the media?
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Comedy – The Huffington Post
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