Chanel Iman on Expecting a Baby Girl: ‘I’m Dying to Put Her in a Cheerleading Outfit!’

Model Chanel Iman may be husband and New York Giants wide receiver Sterling Shepard’s number one fan now, but in just a few months, the NFL star is going to have another lady sitting on the sidelines cheering him on at football games.

The newly married couple who are expecting their first child together, a baby girl, are counting down the days until she arrives and can join Iman at all of Shepard’s Giants games and practices.

“I just had a baby shower and one of Sterling’s cousins made a cheerleading outfit ,” Iman told PeopleStyle. “I’m dying to put it on our little girl when she’s here and take her to the games when she’s a little bit older.”

But until then, Iman will make sure to support her husband once the season stars this fall by wearing one of New Era’s NFL Training 9TWENTY NY Giants Caps now that she’s teamed up with the brand for its new NFL Training Camp Collection.

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“New Era is just one of those brands that is perfect for my everyday style. I’ve been wearing it since I was a teenager,” Iman said. “Whether I’m traveling or going to my husband’s football games to support him or going to gym, I wear all of the fitted caps. I have a lot of bad hair days as well, so it helps making my outfit that much cuter!”

We caught up with the star to talk all things style, motherhood and more in honor of her new partnership — see everything the supermodel shared with us below!

So now that you’re married to an NFL star, how much Giants gear do you have? 

A lot. I’m the type of person, where I will wear something more than once, but it feels the best when it’s brand new and different. I kind of mix and match my New Era caps, with my denim ripped jeans and maybe a crop top. I like to wear his jersey as well with a hat or just the jersey with some cool sneakers. I like to mix it up a bit with my casual everyday wear with the sports apparel.

What do you love most about the New Era caps?

It’s perfect for hot summer days, especially when I go to Sterling’s practices. I try to make it to all of them. It’s lightweight and it has that new cooling technology. I also travel a lot from L.A. to N.Y. in the summertime when it’s super humid and it’s just the perfect summer hat.

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Do you have a little baby jersey made for your daughter yet?

No, we don’t have the jersey yet, but I’m dying to get one made!

What has been your approach to maternity dressing?

I’m wearing things that stretch, like flowy maxi dresses. Just anything that’s not so tight. I have one pair of maternity jeans that I love. I keep it really simple. In my first trimester I was wearing more sweatpants and some of Sterling’s oversize hoodies. But now that it’s summertime, I’m trying to look a little more stylish.

Now that you know you’re having a girl, is there anything in your closet you’re saving for her?

There’s lots of stuff, but I try not to keep too much because I hate clutter. I know there are so many pieces that designers have made for me in my closet that I can’t wait to give my daughter, like all my purses. She’s gonna love everything when she’s older and can appreciate quality brands. We are saving my wedding dress that Zuhair Murad made for me, for the reception and ceremony. I was listening to Beyoncé’s new album and she was talking about stuff she was saving for her daughter, too.

Where are you storing your wedding gown now?

Right now, it’s at my mom’s house. She took it to the cleaners and I think they wrapped it in some kind of garment bag.

How do you think the modeling industry has changed in the social media age?

There has definitely been a shift since I first started. What I love about the whole social change is that it’s a great way for your fans to connect with you. It’s been wonderful to connect with my fans even in a time when I probably wouldn’t be working. So they can still keep up to date with what I’m doing everyday and my lifestyle.

— with reporting by Brittany Talarico


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Kanye West’s Collaborator Takes the Blame for Sample Used Without Permission: ‘I’m Sorry’

Kanye West just dropped his highly anticipated album Ye on Friday, and the singer is facing even more controversy over his first track, “I Thought About Killing You.”

Berlin-based record label PAN accused West, 40, of using an unauthorized sample of Kareem Lotfy’s Fr3esh album from the mono no aware compilation.

“It’s sadly another case of an artist who capitalizes on culture without any original ideas and because culture trickles up, this means we are all basically working for him,” the label’s founder Bill Kouligas told Pitchfork.

Adding that his company may pursue legal action, “Everything leads to him, he’s the ultimate narcissist,” says Kouligas.

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While a rep for West had no comment on the report, his frequent collaborator Francis and the Lights, who co-produced the song alongside Benny Blanco, has already taken the blame.

RELATED: Khloé Kardashian Listens to Taylor Swift’s ‘Delicate’ on Same Day Kanye West Releases Album 

“Yo I’m sorry I added that beat at the last minute and we’re reaching out now,” Francis tweeted. “Do you want to know anything else about it? It’s not Kanye or anyone else’s doing but mine so please direct any aggression or criticism at me.”

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West’s seven-track album — featuring Kid Cudi, Ty Dolla $ ign, John Legend and a surprise feature by Nicki Minaj — addresses everything from mental health and drugs to Tristan Thompson‘s cheating scandal and wife Kim Kardashian West‘s reaction to his infamous declaration that slavery was a choice.


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Katy Perry Opens Up About Being a Judge on American Idol: ‘I’m a Straight Shooter’

America, get ready to roar! Katy Perry is searching for the next “Kelly Clarkson.”

PEOPLE sat down with the “Swish Swish” singer at a special event hosted by a Denver Boys & Girls Club — where lucky members had the opportunity to meet, ask questions, and play Just Dance 2018 with the pop star. There she revealed just how much she plans to idolize authenticity during her first season as a judge on the American Idol reboot.

“My personality is that I’m a straight shooter — almost to a fault,” says Perry. “I just value authenticity so much that it can sometimes get me into trouble, because I take this job really seriously. I don’t want to walk away from American Idol and just have a season go by and we don’t have any Kelly Clarkson because that means we’re just filling space on television and I really truly want to be able to do this exercise and make someone’s dream come true.”

The ABC vocal competition series is set to premiere on Sunday, March 11, hosted by Ryan Seacrest with Perry, Luke Bryan and Lionel Richie on the judging panel.

“It’s kind of like that good old fashion American dream: we find you, you work hard, you compete, you get tested in every way and you rise to the top if it’s meant to be for you. So I believe in that great American dream.”

And aside from sitting back and judging America’s next biggest star, Perry has also been on the hunt for America’s latest and greatest Halloween costume — right from her “Witness: The Tour” ensembles!

“If I wanted to pull out a candy-type creation I could, but I think that there’s a necessary evolution. You can’t always be that one thing, and I like trying new things. I like experimenting musically, sonically, and with my sense of style. Trends change and I like to start trends, not necessarily follow them,” she says. “ say there’s one costume maybe like every year that kind of like rises to the top and becomes a Halloween costume, and that’s when you know you’re doing something is when people dress as you for Halloween.”

Making sure to “wear whatever I want,” Perry’s famed peppermint dress evolved into a crop top that lights up to display a variety of messages, including words like “kiss” and images of peppermint candy.

“I think my peppermint dress from the California Dreams tour was one of my favorite ones ’cause it was mechanical. I flipped a switch every single night I went on and the bra started spinning. Now I wear an LED bra that has all the spinning things that I’ve worn on my tata’s,” she says.

“I like all my costumes now,” Perry continues of her favorite stage pieces. “I have a gold one in particular that I wear every once in a while for special occasions that makes me feel like I’m in Star Wars.”

With a series of dazzling bodysuits, latex getups and sheer cutouts, Perry says she’s “happy” about her figure.

“My body’s changing and I’m like, ‘It’s winter, and I’m like hibernating. I’m storing the foods, I’m thick, I’m happy about it,’” she says. “There are things that I wear that sometimes I feel like I look great in them, but you don’t have to be like skin and bones.”

Thirteen Grammy nominations later, making RIAA history as the first artist to earn three Diamond Song Awards and even launching her own collection of shoes and fragrance, the “Roar” singer remembers the times when she wasn’t on top of the world.

RELATED: Katy Perry Talks Career High Super Bowl Performance & Why She Credits Humble Beginnings For Her Success: “I Never Had It Come Easily”

“I never had it come easily, and a lot of people forget sometimes that people had to work really hard to get here — especially when they’ve been around for so long they’re like, ‘Well, you were just born this way.’ It’s like, ‘Oh no, oh no,’” she says.

“I got to a point where I finally could help take care of my family a little bit, and that made me feel so good. I get to help take care of my sister and my nieces and stuff like that,” she adds. “ makes me feel like ‘Wow, they’re never gonna have to struggle like we did as a family growing up because all of our arguments were about money.’”

Her biggest ‘I made it’ moment?

“I played the Super Bowl and I didn’t trip, and I didn’t have a wardrobe malfunction!” an ecstatic Perry says of taking the stage at Super Bowl XLIX in 2015. “Super Bowl is kinda like touching the ceiling.”


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Ariel Winter Gushes ‘I’m the Luckiest Girl in the Entire World’ in First Anniversary Tribute to Levi Meaden

Ariel Winter and Levi Meaden are celebrating a relationship milestone: their one-year anniversary!

The Modern Family star, 19, shared a sweet message to her 30-year-old boyfriend on Instagram in honor of the occasion, early Sunday.

“Happy 1 year anniversary my love. I’m the luckiest girl in the entire world,” she wrote. “Thank you for being the incredible man you are, and for making me the happiest I could’ve ever imagined. Here’s to many, many more. I love you.”

The post included two images: one of the love birds dolled up and gazing into each other’s eyes, and another of the duo passionately kissing in front of a scenic waterfall, with Winter’s legs wrapped around her beau.

Her caption continued, “P.S. your crazy butt is the only one who could ever make me agree to jumping off a cliff at a waterfall soooo yeah. I love you.”

Meaden also shared a similar post, but added a third photo of the couple alongside his message.

“I can’t believe it’s been a year. We’ve had adventures. Gotten dolled up countless times. And travelled through 3 continents together. I never imagined I’d be this happy,” the actor wrote. “I love you more than anything! Happy anniversary Peanut Butter!!!!

RELATED VIDEO: Ariel Winter Talks Adulting, Living With Boyfriend Levi Meaden: ‘I’m the Worst Wifely Person’

The couple have been living together since first sparking relationship rumors in November.

“I do have my own house, last year I bought my own house,” Winter revealed in May during an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. “My boyfriend and I live together he cooks takes care of all the handy stuff. I can bake pie occasionally — pumpkin and apple.”

She also added that, “I’m the worst wifely person.”

In April, the actress also opened up about how their 10-year age gap doesn’t bother her.

“I needed somebody who had a lot of life experience and who was at a point in their lives that they could take care of another person, but where I didn’t have to take care of them,” she told Maxim in April. “Being with an older guy isn’t always amazing, but I got lucky — I have an amazing guy who’s super supportive and loving and is just an all-around wonderful human being. He’s also Canadian, so, go Canada! Canadians are like, so much nicer.”


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Vicki Gunvalson Calls Her Son-in-Law a ‘Hero’ as He Completes His Time with the Marine Corps: ‘I’m So Proud’

Vicki Gunvalson is one proud mother-in-law.

The Real Housewives of Orange County star’s son-in-law, Ryan Culberson, recently completed his time serving in the United States Marine Corps. To publicly recognize Ryan, Gunvalson posted a heartfelt Instagram tribute in which she thanked him for his service and sacrifice.

“@ryan_culberson has completed his time in the Marine Corps today. Thank you for your sacrifice so we can live in the land of the free!” Gunvalson, 55, captioned a photo of her daughter, Briana Culberson, standing beside Ryan, who sported his Marine Corps uniform.

“I’m so proud to call you my son in law and thank you for making my daughter so happy. You got this! You’re not alone! Our family is strong! 🇺🇸💪❤️🏡” she continued, and added the hashtags, “#marines #family #hero #husband #father #rhoc #realhousewives #bravo #season12.”

Ryan, who shares young sons Owen and Troy with wife Briana, also posted the same photo to social media on Thursday.

“Today is the first day in my civilian journey post Marine Corps. I like to thank everyone who over the years have been there for me,” he wrote.

Ryan added, “I know that with my wife and family by my side this will be a smooth transition, here’s to new adventures, Semper Fidelis! #marines #marinecorp #usmc #semperfi #family.”

WATCH: RHOC’s Vicki Gunvalson Says Daughter Briana Culberson ‘Almost Died’ as a Result of Dirty Scalpel During Operation

At the end of July, Ryan admitted that closing the chapter on his time serving in the Marine Corps is “bittersweet.”

“14 years ago today I woke up to my first sunrise on Parris Islan,” he wrote. “Honored to have earned the title and it’s bittersweet as it draws to the end next month. #semperfidelis #usmc.”

The Real Housewives of Orange County airs Mondays (9 p.m. ET) on Bravo.


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New Jersey Teen on Being Accepted to All 8 Ivy League Schools: ‘I’m Still in a Daze’

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One New Jersey teen has a very tough decision to make — which Ivy League school to attend.

As it came time to apply to colleges, Morris Hills High School senior Ifeoma White-Thorpe decided she’d “shoot shot” and go for the nation’s biggest and most prestigious universities, WABC reports.

One-by-one, the results came in. White-Thorpe had gotten into all eight Ivy League schools.

“It was definitely a surreal experience,” White-Thorpe tells PEOPLE. “I don’t think anyone applies to these type of schools expecting that they’re going to get into one of them.”

Beginning with Harvard College, the 17-year-old was accepted to Yale, Princeton, Dartmouth Cornell, Columbia, Brown and the University of Pennsylvania.

“I remember when I got my Harvard acceptance, how excited and thrilled and how humbled I felt by it because I was just like, ‘Wow! Out of the thousands of candidates they get they chose me,’ ” she says.

“I feel like I’m still in a daze now that I think about it I’m like, ‘Wow! Is this really me?’ ”

As if choosing between the eight schools weren’t difficult enough, White-Thorpe was also accepted to Stanford University.

“At this time, there is no school that I particularly favor over the other,” she says. “I like all of the schools equally. Moving forward, I’m going to go to all of the accepted students days and feel it out.”

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The teen is student government president at the Rockaway high school, according to WABC. She said she hopes to study biology and pursue a career in global health, noting that she wants to continue her research in cardiac arrest and the sickle cell disease trait.

But aside from that, the teen says she’s looking for a great social climate at her school of choice.

“I’m really looking for a strong community,” she tells PEOPLE. “A strong support system.”

While White-Thorpe was surprised at the good news, the teen’s mother said she expected nothing less from her determined daughter.

“She has always been a hardworking girl,” Pat White-Thorpe told ABC News.

“As a little girl, she was a great writer. I remember when she was in kindergarten. She spoke on behalf of the kindergarten class and it blew our minds away.”


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Zara Larsson On Trump: ‘I’m Not Even American And It All Just Makes Me So Tired’

Zara Larsson’s week is going so good.

The pop star’s her first internationally released album, coincidentally also titled “So Good,” dropped on Friday and has already scored killer reviews, as well as the honor of being the most streamed debut album by a female artist on Spotify with over 1.3 billion streams.

The outspoken Swedish singer joined The Huffington Post Monday to chat about making her new album and how feminism has impacted her work and life, and to offer her thoughts on Donald Trump being president.

“I’m not American, so I can’t speak for the American people but I do have opinions,” Larsson said. “Looking at Trump, every day there’s a new thing that he did and new things that he said and tweeted … and it all just makes me so tired. I’m not even American and it makes me so tired to watch this … It’s just so much.” 

She also blitzed her way through a lightning round, with questions ranging from “alcohol or weed?” to her favorite body part on a man and a woman to which female superstar’s concert she’d attend if she found herself with a free night to burn in Las Vegas.

Watch the video above and then head here to check out more from Larsson.

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‘I’m Done’: Patrick Stewart Says He’s Retiring From X-Men Movies

The X-Men may have to find a new mutant to seek guidance from.

Patrick Stewart has announced that he is retiring from the “X-Men” movie franchise after 17 years portraying the sage mutant leader Professor Charles Francis Xavier ― a.k.a. “Professor X.”

The 76-year-old British actor shared his decision during a SiriusXM Town Hall discussion on his upcoming X-Men film “Logan.” The full discussion and the film are slated for release on March 3, Entertainment Weekly reported Friday.

Speaking beside his “Logan” costar Hugh Jackman and the film’s director and co-writer James Mangold, Stewart said he came to the decision after watching the latest installment about a week ago and finding himself moved to tears.

“I sat there I realized there will never be a better, a more perfect, a more sensitive, emotional, and beautiful way of saying au revoir to Charles Xavier than this movie,” he said.

Jackman, who has also confirmed that he is leaving the franchise after starring as Wolverine, was one of the first people he said he shared the news with.

“I told [Jackman] that same evening, ‘I’m done too. It’s all over,’” Stewart said.

Stewart has starred in six of the X-Men movies preceding “Logan.” These are “X-Men” (2000), “X-Men 2” (2003), “ X-Men: The Last Stand” (2006), “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” (2009), “The Wolverine” (2013), and “X-Men: Days of Future Past” (2014).

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Inside Allison Holker’s Son’s Neutral Nursery: ‘I’m Really Big on Letting a Child Decide What Color They Like’

When Allison Holker and Stephen “tWitch” Boss were brainstorming the nursery design for their son Maddox Laurel, now 10 months, they didn’t stick to tradition — and for good reason.

“I’m really big on letting a child decide what color they like, instead of throwing a color at them,” Holker, 29, tells PEOPLE exclusively of Maddox’s room in the couple’s newly renovated home. “I felt going more of a neutral brown would help him find what he likes.”

“I believe that not every girl might like dolls, I don’t think every boy might like cars. I think that a kid needs to have a little more space and develop on their own and see what they are naturally drawn to,” adds the Dancing with the Stars pro. “Going a neutral color will help him pick what his favorite color is on his own.”

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The couple enlisted the help of HomeGoods designer Amy Lipnis to bring their vision to life. The resulting space makes use of the neutral browns, tans and creams, but throws in pops of colors like yellow and blue, as well as a few special items that brighten up the room.

“We have a rocking-chair elephant that is just adorable,” Holker says of her favorite piece in the nursery. “Being able to sit with my little boy every night before he goes to bed and read him his story is the best time of the day for me. It’s something we do every night together, and it’s just our special time.”

“I really hope that when he gets a little bit bigger that he’ll actually sit on the rocking chair and actually enjoy it as much as I do. It’s so cute and it adds a really lovely childlike nature to the room,” adds the mom of two.

There’s no doubt little Maddox is covered, but what about Holker’s 8½-year-old daughter Weslie?

“My daughter’s favorite space in the house is definitely our dining room,” she says. “My daughter absolutely gets really excited for our family dinner and she always cooks with us.”

Continues the fit mama, “When we sit down, she’s always excited to ask the first question at the dinner table of, ‘How was everyone’s day?’ She’s always the one to start off the conversation, which we love so much.”

RELATED VIDEO: Go Inside Allison Holker and tWitch’s Bedroom

Though Holker and Boss, 34 — The Ellen DeGeneres Show‘s resident DJ — have been living in their first home together for a bit, they have taken their time in making it their own. But their patience and hard work have been worth it.

“We’ve been living in our home for a year now, so we’ve been working on designing it, trying to figure out what to do with . We’re excited to have it finally done and we absolutely love it now,” Holker says.

For more from Allison Holker and Stephen “tWitch” Boss, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands now.

With reporting by MEGAN STEIN


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Eva Amurri Reveals Her Night Nurse Dropped Son and Cracked His Skull: ‘I’m in an Emotionally Bad Place’

Eva Amurri Martino is not staying silent about her concerns that she may be suffering from depression.

In a blog post shared on her website HappilyEvaAfter.com, the mother of two — daughter Marlowe Mae, 2, and son Major James, 3 months — opened up about her difficult end to the year.

“A couple of days after Thanksgiving, our Night Nurse fell asleep while holding Major and dropped him, and he cracked his head on the hardwood floor,” Amurri Martino, 31, said. “Kyle and I were sleeping at the time and were awoken by the sound of his head hitting the floor, and then hysterical piercing screams. He suffered a fractured skull and bleeding on his brain, and was transported by ambulance to Yale Medical Center where I spent two harrowing days with him to receive emergency care and further testing. To say these were the most traumatic and anxious two days of my life is an understatement.”

Susan Sarandon‘s daughter shares Major and Marlowe with husband and 36 Hours host Kyle Martino. And while her harrowing experience was terribly traumatic, she said she’s lucky her son was not seriously injured.

“But here’s the good part: by the grace of all of his many angels, and every God one cares to pray to, MAJOR IS FINE. Completely fine,” she wrote. “He has been healing well, hitting milestones, cooing, smiling, and generally showing us that he is and will be ok as he grows and develops.”

Amurri Martino also expressed concern about telling the world her story, and feared people might be judgmental of her for not taking care of her son during the night.

“Let me tell you– the guilt I bore in the days and weeks after this accident was more intense and more damaging than anything I would wish upon my worst enemy,” she said. “I wept in the hospital, telling anyone who would listen that it should have been me. That I was to blame.”

“And even though I finally made peace with the fact that this freak accident could not have been avoided by me, it has continued to effect me to my core and in all aspects of my daily life.”

But Amurri Martino assured readers that she can no longer handle anyone but herself taking care of her children.

“It’s nearly impossible for me to trust anyone but myself to take care of Major now,” she wrote, adding that she no longer has help during the night and takes care of her son on her own. “Hearing Major cry hard immediately triggers my memories of the moments after the accident and instigates an immediate panic attack– my heart races and tears spring to my eyes.

She went on to say that she sometimes gets dizzy spells, and often feels overwhelmed and nauseous. Her appetite “has decreased to nothing” and she has been having a difficult time sleeping. She said she realized she was “not okay” when her daughter Marlowe fell while they were at a playground.

“Within ten minutes she was totally fine and normal– but I stood there while Kyle held me, sobbing and shaking, while my scared two year old watched,” she recalled. “I think I need to take some things off of my plate. It’s time to really face this all and find a solution.”

Amurri Martino added that she believes she is dealing with “some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, possibly linked to some form of Postpartum Depression.” She also said she is seeking help from a therapist to deal with the trauma.

“I have somehow retained a lot of optimism and humor through these challenges, and there have been many moments in the past month where I have found silver linings in the day– but the storm under the surface has been brewing to a point that I can no longer ignore.”

And for her New Year’s resolution, Amurri Martino wrote that she hopes for a more smooth year overall.

“With open arms, I welcome 2017 as the year I learn to forgive a little deeper, to let go a little more easily, to accept some things I cannot change, and to love myself a lot more unconditionally.”


PEOPLE.com

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I’m Isola Marras Pre-Fall 2017

Antonio Marras channeled an Andean mood for pre-fall in his I’m Isola Marras contemporary line. The designer didn’t take the inspiration too literally, but reworked it through his eclectic sensibility. He paired cozy knits with graphic intarsia and fringed details, including oversize cardigans and sweaters, with maxi floral dresses, as well as padded jackets with functional appeal. The color palette ranged from tones of green and brown to bouquetlike hues of pink, lilac and yellow. The brand’s signature multicolor stripes were juxtaposed with tile-inspired romantic graphics, as well as micro polka dots. While the jumpsuits — crafted by combining different fabrics — had a workwear-inspired, mannish attitude, micro skirts worn with fitted jackets had a cute school-uniform feel. Spanning from folk to sweet, Marras mixed and matched different influences in a charming collection marked by his hypercreative approach.

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‘I’m Scared About Remarrying Because Married Women Stop Wanting Sex’

Reader I Have Clients Just Like This Guy writes,

I am a 43 yr old male, one year separated from my wife and 4 children (17 girl, 14 girl, 12 boy, 10 boy). I have always been fit and active, own a thriving business and live a mostly family centered life (read: I really enjoy doing stuff with my kids).  The ex and I met in high school, and have been together ever since.  As much as it pains me to be truthful about this, we are getting a divorce because I came to the conclusion a couple years ago that sex would never again be remotely satisfying or frequent with her. It had gotten so I had difficulty finishing sex with an orgasm – and this from a guy who could finish in 90 seconds or less when we first met!

Of course, since the separation, she has reclaimed her sexy self, lost 30lbs, rediscovered makeup and fashion, and generally become someone I would once again consider dating. Except that I won’t. I don’t trust any of it. In fact, I think her sexy new self would last about 6 months before the effects of monotogamy (good one!) set in again.

And here comes the best part. After reading your blog (thanks, you are fantastic, I am a fan), I am unsure I want to be in a committed relationship with ANY normal woman. I mean really, it sounds just awful!  For me, a healthy love life is crucial to a happy relationship. Let me repeat this for clarity: I don’t think I can ever be happy in a relationship without a robust and healthy sexual component. This. Is. Not. Negotiable.

And I’m not even going to be so ambitious as to ask for oral, anal, or whatever other delights are making my fellow men feel neglected in their absence. I am happy to settle for normal, connected, intimate lovin. Bonus points if she ain’t fat.

I have plenty of opportunity to date….if I want. Hell, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel compared to the last time I was in the dating pool 25 years ago. But geez already, it is really discouraging to think that a year or two into a new relationship, I will be disappointed and unhappy once again. And to make it worse, I can’t think of a single married friend of mine who is happy with his marital sex life.

So my question for you is: What’s a guy to do?

never again?

Well, IHCJLTG, as the moniker I gave you indicates, you are in a fairly common predicament.  I have many male clients who get out of sexless or low sex marriages, and get back onto the mid-40’s or 50’s dating scene, finding that it is indeed like shooting fish in a barrel, as you so sensitively phrased it.  Women go nuts for men who like kids and who look presentable, because a lot of them just got out of marriages with guys that let themselves go the same way as you feel that your wife let herself go.  So then these newly single guys have a lot of sex, and they find someone they want to be more serious, and then they get cold feet, because after all, they are smart guys, and they read things like my blog (thanks for reading, by the way!), and they know what’s what, namely, that women will not continue to be as hot to trot after a couple years into the relationship.

Here are my thoughts on your dilemma.

1. You met your wife when she was extremely young.  She had no earthly idea what marriage would be like, nevermind being married with 4 kids.  She could not have possibly known how she would feel about sex, touching, communication, or anything in her 20’s, 30’s, or 40’s.  However, if you met a woman now, who is around your own age, this would not be an issue.  Women around 40 know themselves way, way better than teenagers do, obviously.  If you made it clear to your 16 year old girlfriend that you wanted regular sex forever, of course she said yes and assumed she would want it too.  If you make it clear to a 40 year old girlfriend that you want regular sex forever, she would know herself well enough to tell you whether she thinks this is possible for her.  It is not her first rodeo.

2. Do not overgeneralize from my articles.  There are plenty of people who have regular sex, once or twice weekly, for the majority of the years they are married.  But, even for these people, they still have to put effort in to get in the mood for sex.

3. As I discussed with my awesome Functional Couple, Gail and Jason, people are often a lot more motivated to make things work in their second marriages versus their first.  If you’re divorced once, it could have been just the stars aligning poorly, but if you divorce twice, you kind of have to look inward.  So many people will work harder on marriage #2.  Which in your potential case would mean, you’d try to be more loving, appreciative, and say less stuff with what I believe may be your trademark sarcastic style, and your wife would try to get herself in the mood for more frequent lovemaking than she might otherwise yearn for.

4. You are newly single and drunk on your power to have sex with many women.  Soon this excitement may fade (for real) and you may want someone to discuss current events with, or take to family functions, or who likes running, or The Daily Show, or whatever else you like.  You may want a loving long term companion EVEN MORE than you want hot hot hot sex forever.  So you may decide that the best way to go is to put your faith in a woman who tells you that your happiness is important enough to her that she will commit to trying to keep your sex life interesting for the long haul.

5. I have no idea what happened within your marriage but it always takes two to tango.  She could very well have let herself go and stopped caring about sex, but I am willing to wager that she did not always think of you as a cross between Mr. Big, Dylan McKay, and James Bond (you may have to google the first two but you get my drift).  You may have to do some soul searching as to why your ex-wife so selfishly insisted on turning into a fat sexless blob.  Something tells me she may have been unhappy in the marriage too.  So you’re going to have to be the best partner you can be if you want a woman to WANT to keep things hot forever.

6. If you do decide that re-marrying isn’t for you, then keep in mind you yourself will not be hot forever either.  A fit attractive 43 year old man can sleep with many woman.  A fit attractive 50 year old man less so.  And by 60, nope.  Also, we have no idea if you’ll even be that into sex anymore in 10, 15, or 20 years.  Testosterone decreases for men around then and can be a big wake up call for guys who have previously defined themselves by their raging sex drives and morning erections.  Your worldview may change at that point, and you’ll be less appealing to the majority of women, so keep that in mind now when turning down women who want to date you.

7. Men who are happy with their sex lives and who are around your age, are, from my clinical experience, fairly unlikely to talk openly about it to other guys.  They know the score, that the average guy isn’t supposed to be sexually satisfied within marriage, so they aren’t going to brag if they are because it’s (1) mean, and (2) not very gentlemanly to share intimate details about their wives.  So don’t take everything you hear from your friends as gospel.  And honestly the guys who are getting a lot of sex are usually not the ones who are going to poker nights and ballgames with the guys and so forth.  They are usually getting a lot of sex because their asses are home at night taking care of their kids and having conversations with their wives.  So your sample group may be biased purely because it’s based on guys who have enough extra time to sit around and shoot the shit with you. Again, this is both my clinical and anecdotal experience so DON’T SEND ME HATE MAIL THAT YOU HAVE LOADS OF SEX AND ALSO GET TO GO OUT WITH THE GUYS FIVE NIGHTS OUT OF SEVEN.  SAVE THE TIME YOU’D BE SENDING ME HATE MAIL AND GO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR AWESOME WIFE.  So my point is, the more nights per week a guy is home, the more sex he’s getting AND the less likely you are to hear about it by virtue of the fact that you don’t get to spend time with this guy because he’s busy either being at home or having sex.

8. You could finish in 90 seconds or less because you were probably 16!  Did you try to keep the passion alive with your wife?  Did you ask why she didn’t like sex and what you could do to turn her on?  Did you ask what her fantasies were, did you try to read erotic stories with her, did you get overnight sitters for the kids, did you write her love letters, did you text her in the middle of the day to tell her you were thinking about her?  You may say yes, or, more likely, you may say you used to but you stopped when she still didn’t give you the time of day.  Well there are ebbs and flows and peaks and valleys in marriages. Your wife pushed four kids out of her vagina within 7 years!  She was tired as hell.  You don’t know, maybe if you hadn’t divorced her, and were loving, attentive, and looked in at yourself with a critical eye as to what you could change to improve things yourself, she would have dropped her 30 lbs and started putting mascara on again anyway!

9. I am not trying to be harsh with you. I feel for you.  But I think that you’re oversimplifying relationships.  So here are the take home points to mull over, as you click through Match.com and bubble over with delight at all the hot 30 year old women who are asking you on dates:

a. Are you focused on becoming the best partner you could be, that would make a woman want to work on keeping sex hot forever?

b. Do you have the patience to weather ups and downs in a woman’s sexual drive without catastrophizing that sex is completely over now because she didn’t want it in a week?

c. Are you looking deeply into what you could do to keep romance and connection alive forever, e.g. communication, empathy, validation, surprises, warmth, affection?

d. Do you know that a relationship takes work and no aspect of it, especially not sex, will just keep going, “naturally,” over time without you focusing on it?  But do you also know that if you work on a relationship, the closeness you achieve will make your sex much more awesome, close, and intimate than sex with random women you meet?  (For real, it’s not just me that thinks this; most male clients I have think their best sexual experiences were within relationships versus one night stands.)

If the answers are yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes, then I urge you to reconsider.  You may be able to find a great woman who is as committed to all facets of a relationship (one being SEX) as you.  Then, with work, you’ll have the best of both worlds: sex, and love.

Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Wants This Guy To Find His High Sex Drive Love And Treat Her Right.

This post was originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom. Follow Dr. Rodman on Dr. Psych Mom, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest.

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Learn about Dr. Rodman’s private practice, including therapy, coaching, and consultation, here. This blog is not intended as diagnosis, assessment, or treatment, and should not replace consultation with your medical provider.

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Do You Know Why I’m Pulling You Over, Being Wildly Aggressive, And Charging You With Assault Today, Sir?

Good afternoon, sir. Go ahead and roll your window all the way down for me. My name is Officer Daniel McEwen from the Greene County Police Department. Now, do you know why I’m pulling you over today, being overly aggressive, and charging you with a felony count of assaulting a police officer?

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Why Do We Keep Saying ‘I’m Fine’?

Co-authored by Mary Wilson

Beyoncé is a talented multitasker. How do I know this? Who else can sell over 1 million records without an ounce of promotion while at the same time being a mother and wife? Yeah, me either.

Through recent post-Met Gala events recently captured on an elevator security camera and released to the word, we caught a glimpse of the less-than-fabulous part of her life, or maybe just the real part. In the video seen around the world, we witness her younger sister, Solange, attacking and yelling at her husband, Jay Z. A security guard is forced to restrain a clearly enraged Solange, while Beyoncé barely attempts to stop the madness. This altercation ended with Beyoncé leaving the event with her sister, Jay Z taking a separate car, and a barrage of unanswered questions.

But to some, the strangest part of the whole scene wasn’t the brother-in-law/sister-in-law feud but the fact that Beyoncé just stood there. It was the fact that a couple of minutes after the physical fight in the elevator, she walked out like nothing had happened.

In the days following the event, Beyoncé was spotted courtside at a Brooklyn Nets game with her husband, apparently happily in love. I am a huge fan of Beyoncé, but I found it very odd. In the midst of this controversy, she just sat there and pretended that everything was OK? Now let’s be clear: B never said “I’m fine,” but in my opinion, her smile did.

So what is really going on here? Was this just a random family feud that ended with hugs and kisses, or was that video a peek into a larger issue that is cleverly being covered up for the sake of family and image? I think the latter.

In a world where celebrities (and non-celebrities) will sell their souls for a few dollars and Instagram “likes,” Beyoncé has always set herself apart by keeping her private life private. With her fame, her music telling girls to “run the world,” and her participation in campaign initiatives such as “Ban Bossy,” she has aimed to empower women and mothers. With that being said, at what point does keeping her life private and saving face in the midst of turmoil tarnish her message to women?

I believe it does, since it tells women everywhere that no matter how chaotic your life may be, you must act like you got this down — as usual.

As women and mothers, we are expected to deal with issues at home, privately, and never let the world know the truth, for fear of being viewed as weak or imperfect.

Were you too tired to feed your kid that meal of protein and whole-wheat pasta that you promised yourself you would make, so you bought pizza instead?

Did you leave your iPhone on top of the car (again) because your brain isn’t working today? That’s a totally true story, by the way (unfortunately).

Did you go to work and pretend you hadn’t just had a fight with your husband?

Are you seeing a therapist but lying about where you are from 7 to 8 p.m.?

Do you have no problem pretending in public that you don’t care about what you weigh, when in reality every time you take a bite, you think about how you need to stop taking bites?

Why are we like this?

Like it or not, I don’t know why women are shocked. We all do the same thing Beyoncé did. And we do it every day. She has her image, her family and her career to maintain. We’re really not that different. Granted, I don’t get to go on my private yacht all the time, but I digress.

We are constantly surrounded by examples of “perfect” women feeding us false examples that are impossible to achieve. In reality life happens, and life is full of failures and lessons learned. How are we supposed to look up to a celebrity like Beyoncé who brushes these life lessons under the rug and walks away with a forced smile? It’s conflicting that all of us shout “girl power” from the rooftops while simultaneously wearing the same fake smiles.

You know what I would’ve loved? If Beyoncé had gone off herself. If we’d been able to hear that audio. If Beyoncé had cursed out Solange or Jay Z or, better yet, the paparazzi waiting outside!

I would’ve said, “Finally!”

In “Pretty Hurts,” a song on her newest album, Beyoncé sings, “We try to fix something, but you can’t fix what you can’t see. It’s the soul that needs the surgery.” The question is: When do we women drop the façade and admit what’s really wrong?

Granted, in the real world, that might mean addressing a less-than-perfect marriage or a less-than-perfect career or just admitting, “No, everything is not fine, actually.” When was the last time you heard that from a friend? Probably never, because as much as people look on in awe as Beyoncé pretends that everything in her life is fine, most people do the same thing every day, programmed to just keep going and keep smiling.

Why do we all feel like we have to maintain perfection, especially black women? Is it the constant stream of social-media comparisons to keep up with? Is it the fact that we were taught to always hold it together, even when it’s all falling apart?

When do we drop the façade? When do we black women stop thinking that allowing ourselves to feel is weakness? When do we stop saying “I’m fine”?
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